Reflections

Managing the moment.

Through these pages I aim to share reflections, observations, insights and approaches that I have found useful in the process of personal crisis, self-discovery, self-awareness, self-healing and growth. These are not original, existing in a wide and eclectic body of practice and literature. They are, however, grounded in my own personal experience. My hope is that they may prove useful to anyone on the path of personal growth, self-healing and self-awareness.

Thrust into the turmoil of mental, emotional crisis, not knowing how long the nightmare might last, the only way was to live one day at a time, the only way to get through the day to learn somehow how to weather the storm, manage the onslaught of thoughts and emotions, hopefully swimming, not drowning. There was no 'light at the end of the tunnel', but somehow I knew that if I kept going, kept surviving, I would eventually reach the light.

Guidelines

• Be here, now.
  Live in the present moment, pay attention to the here and now: thoughts, feelings, senses, breathing, body.
• Every body knows. Our body is our connection to the reality of being in the here and now, in tune with our surroundings, with gravity, grounded in the earth, living in the present moment. The rhythm of our breathing, of our heartbeat, has the power to ground us, centre us, bring us back from the confusion of a disturbed mind. Through awareness of bodily sensation and the subtle interplay of body, thought and emotion, we can learn to relax, release, balance and heal ourselves.
• Know your mind.
  Mind defies definition. It can only be known directly through conscious experience; through meditation and mindful awareness, it can be met, witnessed, observed. If we are ignorant of mind, if we are attached to particular aspects, manifestations of mind, if we are identified with thoughts and feelings, then our awareness, consciousness is limited, restricted, we are not free to experience our whole true nature. We must come to know our mind intimately, its nature, quality, subtlety, its intricate workings, in order to become master of it rather than be controlled by it. The ultimate goal is to go beyond mind.
• Witness consciousness.There exists within us a place from where we can observe and witness the true nature, the quality, the interplay of thoughts, emotions, sensations - dispassionately, without judgement, interpretation or attachment. Here we are conscious and present, yet not caught up, drawn in.
• Negative and Positive?
  The paradox is that while there is much suffering in life, the only pain we can avoid is the pain of avoiding suffering(R D Laing). Unconscious attachment to negative modes of thinking or feeling are certainly obstacles to healing and growth. At the same time, it is only by accepting who we are, warts and all, that we can ulitimately heal ourselves.

  Swami Brahmananda.
  In truth, to attain interior peace, one must be willing to pass through the contrary to peace.

• No blame, no mercy.
  Don't judge or blame yourself, your failings, limitations, thoughts or feelings. In the process of self discovery, we will become aware of aspects of ourselves which are hard to accept. The trick is to face the truth without 'beating ourselves over the head' with our faults. Be patient with yourself. At the same time, face and accept the truth, don't make excuses. Equally, don't judge or blame others.
• Alone yet not alone. In many ways we are alone. Our perceptions, experiences, our thoughts and feelings are unique to us as individuals. No one sees the world quite as each of us sees it. We can never truly share experience or see the world through the eyes of others. At the same time, in many ways there is much we have in common with each other - problems and conflicts, sorrows and joys. We share a common humanity. We are also part of nature, not separate from it.
• This too shall pass.
  Our consciousness is in constant flux. Mental and emotional states are not fixed. The darkest thoughts can clear in a moment. It helps to remember that the pain or distress we feel now will not last for ever. It is simply an attachment to mind. It is simply a state of mind, even though it seems all-powerful and engulfing in this moment.
• It takes as long as it takes. The process of healing and growth cannot be hurried; it requires patience and faith. Every person has their own pace and rhythm.
• The wisdom of insecurity.
  Security is an illusion. Our life is precarious. We have no guarantees, we cannot control life. By accepting our fragility instead of fearing it, by surrendering to life rather than trying to control it, we free ourselves to live life more fully.
  
• Inner wisdom. It has been said that there is nothing about ourselves that we don't already know. We simply need to rediscover it, rediscover our true selves. In freeing ourselves from conditioning, false beliefs, attachment to negative beliefs and patterns of behaviour, reconnecting with repressed experience, albeit often painful, healing the splits and hurt, clearing away the confusion, we begin to part the veil, disperse the mist, allowing our truth to come through.
• Into the abyss. There comes a time when we have to make a leap of faith. The position we hold onto becomes unbearable, untenable - we have nothing to lose but our pain. In surrendering to the unknown, we find truth.
• Trust your intuition. If we are to benefit from the innate wisdom of intuition, we need first to nurture it, explore, become familiar with its nature and workings so that we can learn to recognise its subtle voice, trust it, clearly distinguishing it from the voices of fear, aversion and desire.
• Look after yourself. Take care of the basics of day-to-day living - foster good habits, eat healthily, exercise daily, keep yourself and your place clean and tidy. The healthy routine of caring for yourself is the base upon which everything else depends. It can carry you through the darkest days.

First steps in meditation

There are many different ways to meditate, many schools and traditions of meditation. When I was first attracted to meditation, I was expecting some mystical experience. This didn't seem to happen, so I lost interest. It took some time to give up my expectations and simply practise with an open mind. The next obstacle was frustration. When I attempted to meditate, my mind kept wandering off. What was I doing wrong? A better question would have been to ask what was happening. I was simply experiencing mind.

to be continued

How to respond to sleeplessness

The therapist R D Laing, when asked if he suffered from sleeplessness, replied that he prefered to see himself as suffering from 'wakefulness'. I think that is a step in the right direction.

You are lying in bed. You have to get up early the next day. You want to sleep, but your mind is busy, often with disjointed, incomprehensible thoughts, often looping in endless circles. Paradoxically, the worst thing to do is to 'try' to sleep. The first step is to give up trying. Stop fretting. Whatever is preventing you from sleeping does not respond to the voice in your head saying 'let me sleep!' A tactical approach is what is required.

• Step one - relax.
  This form of relaxation comes from the practice of meditation. Lie on your back, feet about 12 inches/ 30cms apart, arms by your side, palms upward. Feel the wieght of your body on the matress. Do a 'body scan' - focus you attention on your feet, then ankles, calves, knees, thighs..move you attention over your body, noting any tension but without worrying about it. Next the breath. You don't have to do anything. Just observe your breathing - observe the inward breath, the outward breath, the inward breath and so on. Don't try anything - simply observe. This is not so easy as it may seem! If you realise you mind has wondered off or is into 'busy' mode, bring your attention back to the breathing. You may well fall asleep at this point.
• Option two - the countdown.
  If step one doesn't seem to be working, try the countdown. This is used in some forms of self-hypnosis. Some people suggest counting down from ten, but I have found counting down from twenty works better for me. You can do this in the position described above, or you can do in any favourite comfortable position. To start simply say 'twenty' on the out breath. Breathe in , breathe out, breathe in then say 'nineteen' on the outbreath. By counting alternate outbreaths you slow the process down and relax more. You may fall asleep before you reach five. If not, simply start from twenty again.
• Option three - the mantram. The mantram is used in meditation also. It comprises a sound or series of sounds, based on Sanskrit words, repeated over and over. The purpose is to bring our attention to a single point, so helping to calm and still our thoughts. If we can calm our thoughts, we have a better chance of allowing the body to slip into sleep. A simple but effective mantram is 'rama'. You don't need to say it aloud. Say each syllable slowly, lingering on the 'm'. It can help to say one syllable at a time on the outbreath. As before, if your attention wanders, bring it back to the mantram and continue. You may drift off to sleep.
• Option four - let you body relax at least. None of the above has worked. It happens. Don't worry. Make the best of it and give your body chance to rest even if your mind is intent on babbling away.

The more you practise these skills, the more effective they become.

'This too shall pass.'

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